PRIMARY RESIDENTIAL CUSTODIAN, JOINT CUSTODY, AND "SHARED" OR "SPLIT" CUSTODY
Few things can be more disturbing and devastating than a custody trial. They should be avoided at all costs. Only the most severe circumstances could possibly warrant such a contest. If you're thinking of initiating a custody contest, please, think again. Indeed, waging a custody battle may do more to harm a parent's standing in the eyes of his or her child than would directing those efforts toward a joint custody agreement affording a modicum of civility.
When the issue of custody comes up in a case, I always ask my client what "custody" means to him or her. Parents too frequently feel that because they are in divorce court, they necessarily face an all-or-nothing battle over the children. They seem to feel that if they "win the custody case" they will obtain an absolute privilege to their children's love and acceptance but, if they lose, they will likely never see their children again. Nothing could be further from the truth. When asked the "what-does-custody-mean-to-you" question most parents respond that they "just want to be involved" in their child's upbringing. That notion concisely captures the essence of "custody." Custody has little or nothing to do with the amount of time a parent spends with a child, the things they may do together, whether a parent may attend functions significant to the child (sports events, school plays, parent-teacher conferences, graduations, etc.), or to be involved in other aspects of the child's life. Custodial and non-custodial parents alike celebrate birthdays with their children, attend school functions, attend graduations, their children's weddings, and visit with their grandchildren. "Custody" is only vaguely defined in Florida statutes which merely state: ". . .". Even the most antagonistic of couples can generally agree on issues affecting their children's health, education, and general welfare. So, again, please do all you can to work things out for the children, before resorting to a custody contest.
Custody determinations in Florida, like most states, are made applying the standard of "the best interest of the child." The "tender years doctrine" -- which presumed that children were better served by an award of custody to the mother -- has been abolished. In fact, the custody statute specifically states that absent ongoing domestic violence, the court must presume that "the maximum involvement and cooperation of both parents regarding the physical, mental, moral, and emotional well-being of their child is in the best interest of the child." On the other hand, the same law prohibits any presumption in favor of, or against joint custody.
In 19?? Florida enacted the "joint custody law." The law provides that where the parents agree, the court may award them the joint custody of the children. A difficulty arises, however, where the parents can largely agree on issues involving the children, but may be divided on a few, relatively insignificant issues. In such a case, the court is likely to conclude that the parents are, essentially, unable to cooperate with each other. Such a circumstance usually results in the court refusing to award the parties joint custody (the pragmatic reasoning generally being that the parties will continue to disagree in the future and will continually seek relief in court -- clogging the court's docket and failing to live up to their agreement to work together to better serve the children) and a custody contest results.
Contending spouses usually find their divorce to be the most difficult time to cooperate. This may not continue to be true after their divorce is concluded, at least concerning their mutual children. Once the court eliminates the possibility of joint custody, the "best interests of the children" takes over and produces a divisive contest in which one parent is effectively adjudged a winner and the other a loser. The chances for cooperation after that contest ends are small. A far better policy is to work toward joint custody in the beginning, by agreeing upon or moving the court to appoint a mediator to assist in negotiating the terms of joint custody. The mediator should be kept in place after the joint parenting agreement is formulated in order to resolve future disputes. The parties are drawn together in such a joint project concerning their children, rather than driven apart by custody litigation or negotiations, over who is to have sole custody. Neither party is adjudged unfit or is demeaned by losing custody. . . . This process can be successful in the most difficult situations, and should replace the facile "if the parties cannot agree, there cannot be joint custody." Litigation over sole custody should take place in only the most egregious circumstances.

1) What do you consider reasonable?
Each case is different with fees ranging from several hundred dollars to over $100,000 in contested custody matters.
2) How do lawyers charge for their services?
Ethical lawyers charge an hourly rate. Be wary of lawyers who charge a "success fee" which many family law attorneys consider unethical.
3) I went to one lawyer who said that he would charge a percentage of the settlement. Isn't this a good deal for someone without access to financial resources.
No. Contingency fees in divorce case have been outlawed in most (possibly all) states.
4) The lawyer I selected asked for me to pay a retainer. Is this appropriate?
Yes. Lawyers are entitled to get paid like everyone else.
5) She also said that her hourly rate of $175 per hour would be subtracted from the retainer. Is that reasonable.
Hourly rates vary greatly from area to area and from lawyer to lawyer. You have to ask other lawyers in your area with similar experience.
6) How do I know if the time charges are accurate?
There is no iron-clad way of knowing, but insist on an itemized statement and compare the charges to time you know that was spent, for example, if you spoke to the lawyer for 15 minutes are January 30, make a record of the call and compare it with the invoice.
7) I trust this lawyer but lack funds for a retainer. What can I do?
If your spouse controls the family's money, you may be entitled to ask the court for counsel fees pendente lite, mean the court may order your spouse to pay fees to your lawyer at the outset.

Many divorced parents believe that if they do not have custody of their children they are automatically prevented from monitoring their care and upbringing. This notion is incorrect. Florida law grants both parents the right to access records concerning their children and to have contact with service providers regardless of whether custody is awarded to one parent or jointly to both parents.
The right of access exists for both parents unless prohibited by an Order of Court stemming from a incident of domestic violence. If you do not have custody of your children, don't hesitate to make arrangements to obtain school schedules, attend parent-teacher conferences and other meetings, stay in touch with your children's health-care providers, and generally be involved in your child's activities.

RECOMMENDED READING
Growing Up With Divorce
Helping Children Cope With Divorce

1) Do I really need lawyer?
That depends on whether your case is complicated. If you have minor children or assets such as pensions or even a house, you could benefit from hiring a lawyer.
2) But lawyers are so expensive. How can I keep their fees reasonable?
Usually, the less you fight with your spouse, the lower the fees. If you are able to speak to one another, consider going to a mediator.
3) I've heard about mediation, but I've also heard that the less sophisticated spouse is more likely to be taken advantage of.
True, there may be an imbalance of power. But a good mediator will take this into account and even reject cases if there is a likelihood of fraud or unfair dealing.
4) I might consider mediation, but will I have to waive my ability to use a lawyer.
Absolutely not! Good mediators encourage clients to have independent counsel review divorce agreements.
5) But if lawyers get involved, why bother with mediation.
The lawyers play only a limited role; they just help you make sure the agreement is "fair and reasonable," the legal standard by which agreements a judged by the court.
6) Well, this all sounds reasonable, but my spouse would never agree to mediation. Can I force him?
Absolutely not! Mediation is 100% voluntary.
7) Then what are my alternatives?
You will have to file for divorce without first coming to an agreement.
8) But don't I need a lawyer to file?
Technically not, but if you are trying to protect assets or have custody/visitation issues, you are well-advised to retain counsel.

The palest ink
is better than
the best memory
--Chinese Proverb

Retain an accountant to analyze the returns and read between the lines.

Individual tax returns (Form 1040) (Form 1040X, for amendments). Include:
1.Schedule A--Itemized Deductions
2.Schedule B--Interest and Dividends
3.Schedule C--Profit or Loss from Business
Note: Same analysis as corporate tax return. See below.
4.Schedule D--Capital Gains and Losses
5.Schedule E--Supplemental Income and Loss
- from rents, royalties, partnerships, estates, trusts, etc.
6.Schedule K-1--Partnership, Estates, Trusts
7.Form 2106--Employee Business Expense (vehicles, travel, meals, etc.)
8.Form 4684--Casualties and Thefts Form 5043--Retirement Assets
9.Form 5500 and 5500EZ--Retirement Assets including detailed amounts
10.Supporting documentation: W-2s, 1099s, etc.
Look at Schedule B (Interest and Dividends). You can identify accounts, and the approximate amount on deposit. For instance, if your bank pays 3 percent interest on a money market account, and Schedule B says you had $3,000 in interest from that bank, you can assume that an average of $100,000 was on deposit. Note that other, possibly valuable investments, such as non-dividend paying stock, are omitted from Schedule B, along with tax-exempt interest, and accounts under different social security numbers. Interest from foreign bank accounts appears at the very bottom of Schedule B.
Look for refunds and/or deficiencies. If you believe that the document produced is a forgery, have your lawyer insist that Form 4506 is signed by your spouse. The IRS will photocopy the actual return filed.

Personal property includes:
Annuities
Antiques
Appraisals contain detailed descriptions of marital property. Note that appraised values may depend on the reason for the appraisal.
For example, "replacement value" appraisals are often inflated while "tax" appraisals minimize value. Be sure you know the purpose for which the appraisal was prepared.
art work
automobiles
planes boats
china and crystal
coins collectibles
frequent flyer miles
furniture/furnishings
furs
guns
jewelry
rugs
stamps
sterling
Bills of Sale (all property over $200)
Certificates of Title for automobiles boats planes trailers heavy equipment
Homeowners Insurance "scheduled property" often states a value for insurance purposes.
Life Insurance Policies applications, including drug test results beneficiaries cash surrender value loans against policies other encumbrances against policies, e.g., using the policy as collateral for a loan
Sales Slips and Bills of Sale for automobiles boats planes trailers
Savings, Checking, and Credit Union Accounts
Note: If your spouse's name is second on a joint account with a third party, interest income will be reported by that third party. Your spouse will not receive a 1099, and the account will not show on your income tax return.
1.application to open an account
2.Monthly statements (look for payment or debit memo for safe-deposit box rental)
3.passbooks
4.canceled checks and drafts (front and back) Note: make sure you photocopy the backs of checks, especially those made out to "cash," to your husband or to any unknown third party. Account numbers of secret accounts may appear along with the name of the depository bank.
5.check cashing card
6.check register
7.check stubs
8.cashier checks (carbon or photocopy)
9.cash transactions
10.certificates of deposit
11.children's Uniform Gift to Minors Act bank
12.Christmas club accounts
13.deposit slips
14.linked mutual fund and stock brokerage account
15.loan and credit applications
16."numbered" accounts (often Swiss)
17.passbooks (check to see if there is a loan against it)
18.wire transfers withdrawals Look for any suspicious activities, such as repeated withdrawals of sums such as $505, suggesting conversion to travelers checks for $500 plus a 1 percent fee of $5.00.

Reprinted from the Tao of Divorce
Copyrighted 1996 by Sharyn T. Sooho and Steven L. Fuchs
All rights reserved.